Perfectly Imperfect, that's me...

I wrote this message a few months ago for some special young women, and today I feel I need to share a part of me with you...

Since as far back as I can remember, this is who I was expected to be... Perfect.   I was expected to look perfect.  I was expected to behave perfectly.  I was expected to have my room perfectly clean and be perfect in school.  I was expected to be the perfect young woman, sister and daughter.

Why?  Well, through my young eyes, my mother was perfect.  My family was perfect.   My life to others seemed perfect.   And so naturally, I spent my whole life in pursuit of perfection in everything--I actually thought it was something I could achieve.

It sounds exhausting, and it was.  I was actually failing miserably.  I spent many years of my life seeking after something that did not exist.  Let me explain:  I did not do well in school.  I wasn’t very good at sports.  I didn’t like musical instruments.  I wasn’t a very good dancer or gymnast.  I was chubby.  I hated to read.  I couldn’t sing.  I moved every year of high school.    I wanted more than anything to be pretty.  I wanted to be accepted.  I wanted to be outgoing and popular.  I wanted to be good at something and everything.  I wanted to be important.  I wanted to be perfect.  And guess what?  I spent all that time really frustrated, sad, depressed, discouraged and mad.  Why?  Because I wasn’t perfect, I was just me and that was not good enough.

So, what I have come to understand now, and wish, I would have understood back then was that my Heavenly Father knew me.  He really, really knew me.  He had given me a special gift.  ME.  He had a great and unique purpose for me to fulfill—something that was only mine to have.  He wanted me to do something so special, and so important, and I was the only one who could accomplish it.  The tricky part was that I was the only one who could figure it out, too.  I was the only one who could really understand that purpose. 

During those years, my Heavenly Father was so patient with me, so kind, so loving and understanding.  All along He had been there.  I realized later that He was gently guiding me.  He loved me when I didn’t love myself.  He knew who I was supposed to be, even though I wanted to be just like everyone else.  He taught me through the scriptures about my Savior.  I learned about repentance and the atonement.  He sweetly blessed me with learning and growing experiences like serving a mission and gaining an undeniable testimony of my Savior, service and love.  He led me to a kind husband and blessed me to be a mother to four beautiful children.  He taught me how to love myself and see all the goodness in me and those around me.  He waited for me to grow in faith, and He helped me understand my role as a wife and mother.  He taught me in the temple about covenants and promises.  He answered my prayers.  He continued to unfold my great purpose every day.

So, even though I was never a part of the popular group, or any sports teams or singing or dancing groups, I actually did have a team.   I was on a winning team.   It was me, my Heavenly Father, the Savoir, the Holy Ghost and all the attending angels who were cheering for me—all of them wanted to see me grow and learn and find my special purpose and win.  Win against sin, win against discouragement, win against perfection.  Win for me.  Win for my Heavenly Father, and win for the Savior of the world.

Now I understand what my purpose is.  It’s called my life.  It’s everything that I am.  It’s already inside me.  It’s always been there.  It’s my talents, my gifts, my perspective, my thoughts, my experiences, my determination and everything little thing that I needed to learn, understand and become—and I am the only one who could do the work.

So, who am I today?   I am still me….but better.   I am creative and I love design and fashion.  I am an introvert and a deep thinker.  I am a visual learner.   I love to laugh.  I love to feel the spirit.  I prefer quality over quantity in my friendships.   I love the scriptures.  I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior, and I care more about what they think of me than I do anyone else.  I am my Heavenly Father’s daughter and He loves me, and I love and adore Him.   I love the sacrament.  I love being a mom and I love my life, not because it’s easy or perfect--because it’s not--but because it’s mine.  And I have worked really hard, and continue to work really hard, to figure it out –all with the help of my special winning team.

So, what’s already inside of you?  Do you understand and honor it?  If not, what are you waiting for?...........Your very special winning team is ready and waiting for you….find them, join them and start winning.  I promise you will become so much greater than even you can imagine.

xo

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